Guest Blog: Maribel on Gypsy Wedding Traditions

(By Maribel)

Bear with me on the beginning of this one, I promise; it has to do with more than gypsy weddings. 

Thanks to the very helpful and convenient Internet, I’ve become acquainted with traditional British Gypsy weddings. Recently, TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress made a post on Facebook about these gypsy weddings and, as might be expected, a lot of women commented. There were lots of comments deeming the culture tacky and repulsive as well as responses damning those judging comments as ignorant. I decided to take a look for myself, so I searched YouTube for anything on this new show revolving around Gypsies. 

Initially, I wrote it off as a gaudy culture with very backwards and overly-fantastical bridal fashion. I was very put off by the extravagance of the weddings and the sheer impracticality of the dresses. They were layer upon layer of sparkling, glittery fabric sewn into revealing, 70-pound-plus gowns that, literally, got stuck in doorways and had to be kicked while walking.  The bride, who is on average sixteen years old, is covered in heavy make up, lots of “bling” and given a healthy dose of hair extensions to curl up around an equally “blingy” tiara.  

 

The more I watched of this documentary-style show the more I was… dismayed (to put it lightly). Now, whether or not I care for this display of extravagance bears no weight or relevance to the subject and it is not what I will be basing my arguments on. My problem is not with the wedding or the dress or what they deem as acceptable formal clothing. Instead, the problem is with the ideas and ideals this wedding sums up. What I saw was another display of ignorance running rampant in modern times. Why are the unjust practices of this culture being defended by women? 

Women of the gypsy culture have very limited personal freedom, they do not get an education past the age of eleven, and they are groomed and indoctrinated from a very young age to look forward to marriage and only marriage. After marriage, the bride is completely dependent on her husband. One of the women interviewed on the show openly admitted that girls hope marrying will give them more personal freedom. It is no wonder, then, that the wedding is an excessively gaudy event. There’s nothing else a girl has to look forward to; no high school or college graduation, or starting a career, etc. This is the event of their entire lives, and it comes at age 16. That was enough to raise flags in my mind. 

To broaden the subject, the oppression can be extended to their people as a whole. It is criminal that their culture openly condones the act of suppressing education and intellectual development among their entire population. They breed their women to be housewives and men to be laborers. The Gypsy culture rejects, even demonizes mainstream British society, deeming it a breeding ground of violence and other vices.  But they themselves have been refused by event centers because Gypsy weddings and other social events often lead to violent or destructive behavior.  Any stigma surrounding their culture is purely their own doing.  

Their culture is not necessarily without merit; they do value things like chastity (for women specifically) and strong familial and community ties. But these are values not unique to their culture, nor do young men and women need to have their intellectual development stunted in order to achieve them. The gypsies pride themselves on preserving their cultural traditions. However, I’d like to clear up that the oppression does not count as a tradition.  The style and exaggerated nature of the weddings is a tradition, the size of the dress is a tradition, a couple not living together before marriage is a tradition, the ceremonies are traditions. Telling men and women to stay away from the "evil" mainstream culture is not a tradition; it’s a social impediment, keeping them uneducated is not a tradition, it’s an impediment; limiting the rights of women and reducing their role to homemaker and baby-maker is not a tradition, either, it’s oppression. Generally, as Americans, we don’t allow it in our own culture, and we definitely don’t find it acceptable when Muslim countries oppress their people, more specifically women,  so  why are these modern women I spoke of earlier, allowing it in the gypsy culture?  Why are they overlooking this aspect of the culture, judging those who point it out as "ignorant"?

 I re-read the comments posted under the link on Facebook. It is obvious people consider it ignorant to openly oppose and dislike a culture that isn’t our own, but it is imperative to analyze all cultures, no matter how peaceful, with a discerning eye to weed out what customs and traditions are detrimental. 

In my opinion, the first and foremost impediment to this solution is the fact that humanity relates to each other in terms of culture. We create a distance between ourselves using the notion of culture as part of our instinctual attempts to categorize and classify our surroundings.  However, that keeps us from determining when something is wrong in another culture like that of the Gypsies.  If, instead, humanity saw itself as human beings first, and as distinct cultures second, it would be easier to spot the slightest degree of impediment to social progress.  This leads me to a second point.  I asked earlier why the oppression in the gypsy culture was being overlooked.  It might be too simple an answer, but it makes a great difference: 1) it’s not overtly violent and does not call too much attention to that aspect of the culture.  People accept it because there is a level of willingness on behalf of the people. They aren’t subjugated the way people are in some Muslim and African countries and so, to some people there is no hurry in changing the gypsy “tradition” of keeping their people slightly oppressed.  2) Gypsies are Catholic, a doctrine widely accepted around the world as “good.” And 3) they’re “white”.  They speak English and have light colored skin, to put it less colloquially. 

The second impediment is that there is a stigma associated with applying our views to those of other cultures. The stigma usually has undertones of imperialism and capitalism tacked onto it. In the past, whenever a developed country has tried to “Americanize” or make more European another culture in the name of progress, it usually involved changing every aspect of that culture forcibly, and today it also involves setting up a McDonald’s or Wal-Mart wherever there is room.  It’s easy to see where the hesitation to scrutinize a different culture comes from, let alone apply our standards to them.  However, it’s important to note that applying universal concepts of rights and freedoms is completely different from the way in which is has claimed to be done before (if it has been done at all). 

But what are these freedoms I’m talking about? For starters, the freedom to be independent via developing personal and intellectual potential; the idea that every individual has the same opportunity as the next; living free of the fear of violence brought on by certain beliefs, creeds or opinions; That each person has the sole, exclusive rights over his or her own body and mind. These are rights that should be accepted by everyone, regardless of tradition or culture.  I doubt that female circumcision is a practice cherished by the women of Africa. Granted, that is a drastic example compared to the limited freedom the gypsy women have so I'll pose this question: what woman wouldn't want to be able to decide what's best for herself. Better yet, what person doesn't automatically deserve the right to decide for him or herself? What person likes living with prejudices (either holding them or having them held against them?).  How can we justify, in any culture, some people having some rights, but not others? These are the types of questions we should be asking ourselves in regard to other cultures, like that of the British Gypsies, as well as in regard to our own culture here in America. 

I was asked, by one of the women who commented on the link, who was I to deem a culture's traditions and customs as harmful? But in light of all my previous arguments I ask, who are they not to challenge the disproportionate treatment in the gypsy culture? Who are the gypsies to think their limiting norms count as traditions and are therefore correct? There is something very askew when one human decides it's alright that another should be complacent with the shortcomings of their culture simply because they are miles away and speak a different language or have different customs.  

To answer the question I was asked, I am a person that sees the people of the world as human beings first (perhaps, only as human beings) and who believes in the equal treatment of all human beings, regardless of culture and so should you.

Lanoitakude’s Closing Comments

Thank you, Maribel, for contributing to my blog! I very much agree with her words. I see the issue as Relativism run amok. We have to be “culturally sensitive” when it comes to criticizing the practices of other cultures, lest we be deemed ignorant or closed-minded. Here’s the rub, folks: not every belief is as good as the next. Not every culture treats its citizens as well as others. The practice of personal autonomy is much better than the practice of infanticide, honor killings, and subjugation. The belief that young women should receive equal education and opportunities as their male counterparts is better than the belief that young women must remain uneducated and permanently bound to their husband, whom they married at age 16, for the remainder of their lives. This isn’t a “relative belief”. This is a fact. Thanks for reading, and I hope to have Maribel Guest Blog again sometime soon!